Two Strange Pilots, One Strange Bar
by Megkazul
Summary: 1+2, shounen ai... and demented! This fic is bizarre...


This fic is mainly 1+2  
Warnings: shoujo/shounen ai, and maybe even a little straight  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam, or any other anime... ::cries::  
  
Two Strange Pilots, One Strange Bar  
by Megkazul  
"Ha, ha! We sure gave them the slip didn't we Heero?" Duo bounced up and down cheerfully and slapped Heero on the back.  
  
Heero grabbed Duo around the collar and shook him roughly.  
  
"Shuddap baka!" Heero glanced around nervously, and then, glaring at the boy in front of him, spoke in a whisper. "We need to blend in, not scream 'outsider' to every peasant in town!"  
  
Duo grabbed Heero's wrist and yanked, freeing his neck and pulling the other pilot closer in a single move. He ran his tongue along Heero's closed lips, doing his best to kiss Heero, who was still glaring at him, looking somewhat annoyed.  
  
"No offense Heero, but you're a lot stranger than me."  
  
"Hn." Heero turned and began walking down the street, not stopping to consider that Duo still clung to his wrist.  
  
"Hey!" Duo felt himself being pulled along behind Heero. "Where are we going?"  
  
"To find something to eat; I'm hungry."  
  
"Really? And I thought hunger was a human thing."  
  
Heero winced at the insult. "Human or not, this is a human town, and I want to appear human."  
  
Duo tried to keep a straight face but failed miserably.  
  
"You?! Human?! You're a complete stiff!"  
  
Heero had found that an amused Duo was a defenseless Duo and took advantage of the moment to grab him around the waist. Heero sniffed the air and found an appetizing smell coming from an open door just a little ways down the street. Then he began to drag Duo's laughing form toward the door.  
  
Duo stopped laughing long enough to look around. They were in a dimly lighted room that looked suspiciously like a bar. There was a ragged looking man and a servant girl running the joint. The only odd thing about the place was the customers.  
  
"Whoa," Duo whispered to Heero, "Have you ever seen a more beautiful site?"  
  
Heero had to admit it was impressive. There were five guys seated around a table, but they weren't your usual bar thoroughfare. Each one was skinny and clean-shaven, with nicely combed hair and big, beautiful eyes full of emotion. Looking at Duo, Heero sighed.  
  
"Alright, fine; we'll buy them drinks."  
  
Duo grinned. //Heero always knows what I want.// Besides, he was sure the Japanese pilot was human enough to enjoy the power of alcohol, especially with such cute guys drinking it.  
  
Heero, with Duo just a step behind, walked up to the bar and asked the man for two sandwiches and a bottle of good, hard ale. The man complied and Heero quickly ate one of the sandwiches. Glancing over at Duo, he saw the boy open his mouth to say something. //He talks too much.// Grabbing Duo with one arm and a sandwich with the other, Heero stuffed the sandwich into Duo's mouth.  
  
Surprised, Duo's eye's widened as he looked down at the food in his mouth and the up at Heero, whose cobalt eyes were glittering with amusement. //He's laughing at me!// Furious, Duo struggled with the food in his mouth, trying to work up a good insult, but only managing an angry grumble.  
  
"Here you go." Taking pity on the distraught boy, Heero lifted the bottle to Duo's lips and tipped it up, letting the liquid seep into his mouth to help wash down the food.  
  
Having forgotten what he was going to say, Duo glared at Heero and swiped the bottle from his hand, intending to take it to the table where the other customers sat. As he was turning around, however, he realized he didn't have to; all five of them were standing right behind him. He grinned happily and offered them the alcohol.  
  
Heero narrowed his eyes, regarding the five men with suspicion. They had gathered about Duo and were staring at him hungrily. //There's something wrong here...// Finding the men a tad unnerving, Heero glared at them and wrapped an arm around Duo possessively. That got an immediate reaction from the men. They all turned their heads toward him simultaneously, scowling at him.  
  
Duo was confused. One minute the five guys had seemed perfectly friendly, and the next, they were glaring daggers at Heero.  
  
"Hey, hey guys, " Duo turned his head, looking from the men to Heero, "what's wrong with you?"  
  
Heero's only response to Duo's question was to wrap his other arm around Duo's neck and shoulders, but one of the men answered, speaking in a surprisingly soft voice.  
  
"That boy has his arms wrapped around you."  
  
Duo blinked. "Yes, that's Heero."  
  
"Well I don't like this Heero person." The men spread out, surrounding Heero, who still clung to Duo.  
  
"I'm not letting go."  
  
"We'll see about that."  
  
Heero felt a pair of hands on his waist and saw four more grab his arms. Within a few seconds, they had pried him off Duo. The men were a lot stronger than they looked, and it only took two of them to hold Heero.  
  
The two men holding Heero dragged him toward the table while the other three encouraged Duo to go in the same direction, but to the other side of the table. They all sat down, there being just enough space at the table to hold them all.  
  
Duo thought this was all quite funny and enjoyed seeing Heero angry, so he decided to push his luck. He began pouring drinks for the men, making sure to look each in the eyes as he did so, reading the lust in their depths and returning it in kind. He gave Heero a drink last, smiling at the fury and jealousy in his cobalt eyes.  
  
Duo and the men drank heartily, and before long Heero, who had refused his drink, was the only one still sober. He watched the men with growing anger as they continued to give their attentions to Duo, completely ignoring the Japanese pilot. //What's he got that I haven't?//  
  
//What a beauty... perfect face, lovely blue-violet eyes, and that braid is so cute!//  
  
Heero watched the five men intently, as a hawk might eye his prey, trying to figure out what the deal was. Even drunk, they moved more gracefully than any male he knew. Their eyes were always sparkling with emotion. Their skin was pale and soft looking; it ran over their features smoothly, uninhibited by scars or imperfections. As he watched them, he became aware of the servant girl scuttling around in the background.  
Heero turned his gaze to regard her. She would dart back and forth doing errands for the man at the bar. //Why's she so tense?// She was obviously afraid of the group at the table. The girl was going out of her way to avoid them, and when they called for another drink, she would place it on the table quickly while her terror-filled eyes darted around excitedly, regarding the men as a mouse might regard a crouching cat. For their part, the men really did resemble cats; they seemed to enjoy the girl's fear and when she came near, they'd turn away from Duo for a second to check her out, which seemed to make the girl very uncomfortable.  
He continued watching her, and it wasn't long before she noticed and turned toward him. //She's not afraid of me!// Heero quickly turned his gaze into a hardened stare, glaring at the girl, but she remained unfazed. //What happened? Everyone's afraid of me; I'm a cold-blooded killer!// His curiosity overcame him and he left the table to go talk to this strange girl, who quickly pulled him into a back room.  
  
"What's wrong with you? How can you let those people near your koi?!"  
  
"I can't stop them; last time I tried to protect Duo, they just pushed us apart."  
  
"Don't be ridiculous. Of course you can stop them; you have the perfect weapon."  
  
"I can't shoot civilians!"  
  
"No," she laughed, "not your gun, your sword, it's the one thing they fear most."  
  
"My... sword?" Heero wasn't sure he'd heard her right. "Why would they fear that?"  
  
She looked down at his spandex shorts. "What else would lesbians be afraid of?"  
  
"Lesbians?" Heero thought about that for a second. //So that's why she's not afraid of me! She thinks I'm straight!// He grinned. //Poor Duo...//  
  
"Yeah, ever since they came around, more and more of the girls around here have gone lesbo. It's driving the guys mad."  
  
"So what do the guys do about it? They go gay?"  
  
"Oh no, nobody around here wants a guy, the girls make sure of that."  
  
"How?"  
  
"You'll see soon enough; now go save that girl of yours!"  
  
"All right." Heero turned and headed back to the main room.  
  
Duo was having a grand old time. He loved being the center of attention, especially when his audience was so cute. He felt one of the men's arms on his back and turned to see one of them licking his lips hungrily. This was the chance he'd been waiting for. Duo leaned closer to the man and tasted his soft, wet lips. The man responded immediately, opening his mouth to tongue the boy, letting a wave of alcohol-breath flow into Duo's mouth. It was the best kiss Duo had ever had; this man's mouth was so inviting, so sweet, it was tastier than any kiss he had ever gotten from Heero. He wanted to continue kissing the man forever, but a tug on his braid disturbed him. He turned around feeling somewhat dazed, but whether it was from the alcohol or the kiss didn't really matter. He was more concerned with the four pairs of eyes staring at him, pleading with him. //Omg! I forgot about them!// Duo quickly worked to rectify his mistake, kissing each one of the men in turn, and was delighted to find that each kiss was better than the last. When he was working on the final kiss, Heero came in. Detaching himself from the drunk man in front of him, Duo turned to face his koi.  
  
"You want a kiss too Heero?" Duo grinned and swayed drunkenly, not noticing the disgusted looks his five new friends were giving him.  
  
"Yes, in fact I'd love one," Heero turned his gaze to regard the "man" Duo had just finished kissing. She had dirty-blond hair and was glaring at him, her color eyes blazing with hatred. Heero moved toward her, and, before she could react he had grabbed her chin and tilted her mouth toward his. He slipped one arm around her back to hold her in place and then tightened his grip on her jaw, forcing her mouth open. He began to kiss her savagely, as she tried desperately to get away. After a few seconds, Heero felt the girl grow limp in his arms and thought he'd won, until he saw the way the other four girls were looking down at his shorts, grinning evilly.  
Heero felt the girl in his arms move, and, out of the corner of his eye, he saw her foot leave the ground. Too late, he realized what was happening as an intense pain shot through his body, centered about his crotch and burning outward. He staggered backward, fighting the urge to fall to his knees and let the pain overcome him.  
Heero was furious. He flexed his hands restlessly as he glared at the smug girl in front of him, imagining what his strong grip would do to her neck if he ever got a hold of it. He was about ready to tackle her when he heard Duo's cackling laugh. Focusing his attention on the braided boy, Heero narrowed his eyes and stepped toward him. //He thinks this is funny, eh?//  
  
Duo stopped laughing and stared at Heero fearfully. //He's got that dangerous light in his eyes again...// Duo's hand automatically went to his waist and he cursed as he realized there was no gun there. He didn't think Heero would ever really hurt him, but the other pilot looked pretty angry right about now. Duo stepped backward as Heero came closer, rummaging through his pocket until his hand closed about a switchblade. He was about to open the blade and take a defensive stance against Heero when something behind the boy made him stop. //That man... what is he doing?// The man that had kicked Heero was doing something strange. His hand was clutching a small object and he was mumbling some gibberish as he watched Heero approaching Duo.  
Intrigued by the man's behavior, Duo forgot his position and let Heero get close to him. He felt himself slipping into Heero's arms, but he didn't care. The air around the odd man had begun to shimmer, making the man's form seem to glitter. He heard a soft music coming from somewhere and turned his head, looking for the source of the sound. He barely noticed Heero prying the knife from his hand as he looked around in awe. The room was swirling around the man now, colors bending together in a decidedly pink way. The man seemed to be standing on nothing as his clothes began to glow. A bright, white light shone from them, threatening to blind Duo, but he couldn't look away. The light became all encompassing, and his eyes were fixated on the man's garments. He watched as the clothes began to fade away, melting under the intensity of the light. As the light reached its climax, he felt it wrapping around his heart, holding him in its power. The clothes faded away completely, and beneath them was a site like no other. It was a woman, nude, and dancing slowly. He saw her flesh sparkling magnificently as she twirled, and Heero forgotten, he wanted her, he wanted her more than anything. The light began to fade, and one by one, articles of clothing began to appear on her. When the light was completely gone, a beautiful woman stood, posing, before them. She was dressed, but only in the reveling manner of a Japanese schoolgirl, miniskirt and all.  
  
Thinking he had missed something, Heero looked up to see an angry looking girl dressed in a miniskirt and skintight top. His eyes widened in disbelief as she began mumbling something about Uranus in a singsong voice. He was completely unprepared when a huge chunk of dry dirt appeared in the space behind her and flew toward his face with amazing speed and accuracy. At that point, he was very glad for his grip on Duo. Had it not been for the longhaired pilot, he would've fallen over, if not from the impact than from shear surprise.  
  
By now, the girl's hold on Duo's heart had faded, and now the American pilot was disgusted. //I kissed that?! Wait a second... Heero kissed that! I let my Heero kiss a... a fem!//  
  
"Otokonoko! Get your hands off her!"  
  
//Her?// Duo looked around, confused, until he realized the strange girl was talking about him.  
  
"Her?" Duo heard Heero's voice wavering with suppressed mirth. "You still think this is a girl?"  
  
"Of course," she replied, indicating toward Duo's clothes, "no male dresses like that, and you're obviously out to make her your koi."  
  
Duo heard his switchblade snap open and cursed himself for letting Heero get a hold of it. To his horror, he felt the tip of the knife rest against his waistband. //Not the pants!// Duo was wearing his favorite pair of tight fitting black pants. But the knife didn't stop. In a few swift motions, Heero had broken the already stressed seems that were holding the pants together.  
  
Sailor Uranus almost puked. She had never seen a more disgusting site in her entire life. Two people, one naked from the waist down, were standing before her, neither one of them was female. She didn't understand what was wrong with these boys; how could they be so close together? Remembering the great kiss Duo had given her and then the horrible one Heero had forced on her put her in a state of disbelief. //Is it possible that two opposites can be one and the same, that is, both male?//  
  
"I still don't believe it; if Duo really is male, let me kiss him to verify it."  
  
"Oh no, he's mine now; he'll kiss only me." With that, Heero moved to let his lips meet Duo's.  
  
Duo opened his mouth to accept Heero's kiss, and his tongue began caressing Heero eagerly, until something he tasted made him freeze.  
  
Heero felt the boy in his arms suddenly grow stiff, and looked into his blue-violet eyes, wondering what was wrong, but he got no answer. Duo tore out of Heero's grip and stood just a foot away from him, panting and looking sickened. Heero looked at him questioningly.  
  
"Heero! You're covered in dirt!"  
  
//Oh, is that all?// Heero grabbed Duo and began kissing the squirming boy with all the force and vigor that he had used on the strange girl.  
  
Seeing this, Uranus sighed and, motioning for the other four girls to follow her, left the bar.  
  
-Owari-  
  
Ok, I'm giving your intelligence absolutely no credit by adding this part, but I'm gonna do it anyway.  
  
Definitions:  
shounen=boy  
shoujo=girl  
ai=love  
koi=girlfriend/boyfriend  
otokonoko=boy (just as otokonohito=man, onnanoko=girl, and onnanohito=woman)  
owari=end  
  
Ok... that fic was bizarre... I guess Sailor Moon will do that to you... now please review!  



End file.
